Sunday, September 27, 2009

Vijay Dashmi


Time flies it seems , last year same time me , mum & piya went to kasuali and that was the best vijay dashmi we have ever had. I can just close my eyes and feel that sky even today. Who knew so much will change so soon.May be it was all destined and it had to happen the way it did. Its been quite some time i haven't prayed , i am somewhat distracted by so many events happening around me and so many changes . Life in the past eight months have been just packing and unpacking. My bags are always packed to move..but while i am moving i fail to comprehend where i actually belong to . At times i wake up middle of the night in a crises , not knowing where i am ..sheer state of oblivion. It takes me good 30 seconds to recollect my memory and consolidate to the surroundings . Change is THE word in my dictionary these days somewhat happily administered and somewhat with a pinch of salt .Needless to mention sometimes the salt becomes far too bitter :) Such is life i guess.
When i look back i just see myself flowing , flowing freely like a river, extremely flexible , no qualms and ready to merge with the ocean. I think i always wanted an ocean with whom i may merge, i never wanted to be a river by myself .For me the ocean was my destination and my identity .I have never been rigid in my life , in fact if you ask me define myself i would take sometime as i am still exploring my being.All i can say is i have travelled across traditions, across languages , across dialects , across lifestyles, across personalities and have always felt the warmth of each phase of life .I am happy living in a Irish castle and happy living in a small cottage .Haven't actually defined what all i want in life. Today i feel quite contend with all i have . I am almost on stage where i carve for a very few things and my dependency on others for providing to me is almost negligible. All my life i have been a provider to my kith & kin and everything i have achieved by myself , so now i feel i can provide for myself and am quite okay with that.
Its been a transition , not so long back i had these desires to go for a world tour to the most exotic places , acquire a pair of jimmy choo or a louis vuitton but now am over it.There is something more to my life which i need to explore rather than exploring some exotic places. I know and have learnt one HUGE lesson in life , its your state of mind which brings you happiness and if you are happy..you already reside in heaven. I dont mean to sound i have become a sage , not at all i have my own share of vices but yes somewhat mellowed and somewhat relaxed in life. bad weathers and turbulence will always be there but sooner or later a rainbow appears and we all should wait for our own little bright rainbows.
I will end the note by saying " If you want to defy , defy the ravana within you.If you want to win , win over your vices "

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